Local Revision: Wordiness

So I'm starting this new thing called not procrastinating at much. I love it. I don't feel panicked, or worried at all. In fact, I think I might go watch some Netflix to reward myself for not starting my blog posts all on Sunday. Yes I do realize today is Thursday and it's still considered "late in the game" to start the blog posts... it's a process okay.

Before:

Universal. "Neighbors 2." 2/6/15 via justjared.com. Licensed for noncommercial reuse.

Ok so it all started back in November of 2005, when feminists were up in arms (surprise surprise) over the virginity testing that had been going on for generations in the Uthukela district of eastern KwaZulu-Natal province in South Africa. Virginity testing was originally a way for a girl to be a “certifiable” virgin, which could get her parents a bigger dowry than if she was just a regular old virgin back in the day. In more recent times, this type of test was used as sort of a status symbol for girls in South Africa. However, this practice has been found to be medically unsound, invasive, and sexist. Since a random woman from the community performs a “two finger” test, which means exactly what it sounds like. Technically, just performing this test is a form of sex...technically.

• These tests are founded mostly on myths about sex and how it affects the female anatomy. For instance, this test is based around the hymen being intact, therefore being “pure.” However, it was found that hymens can be broken multiple other ways besides sex, such as physical exercise, and some women are born without hymens.
• Not to mention the fact that this type of test reinforces the myth that women alone are responsible for the spread of HIV. Not only that, but that only women should carry the weight of abstinence while boys are more “manly” if they’re popular with the girls. Another double standard that doesn’t need to exist in this world.

The graph shows how the KZN province has the highest HIV rates and correlational data shows that they’re also the only province who still regularly uses virginity tests.

After:

Universal. "New Shirtless Photo." 11/26/13 via justjared.com. Licensed for noncommercial reuse.

It all started in November of 2005, when feminists were up in arms over traditional virginity testing in the Uthukela district of eastern KwaZulu-Natal province in South Africa. Virginity testing was originally a way for a girl to be a “certifiable” virgin. In more recent times, this type of test is used as a status symbol for these girls. However, this practice has been found to be medically unsound, invasive, and sexist. Since a random woman from the community performs a “two finger” test, which means exactly what it sounds like.

• Tests are founded on sex myths and how it affects the female anatomy. It's based on the hymen being intact; but, it was found that hymens can be broken multiple other ways , so it's not reliable or accurate.
• This test reinforces the myth that women are responsible for the spread of HIV. And that women should be abstinent while boys should sleep around.

The graph shows that the KZN province has the highest HIV rates and that they’re the only province who still use virginity tests.










In my opinion, in some ways I like the shorter paragraph since it gets to the point faster and in simpler terms, but at the same time it's missing a lot of the personality that makes it fun to read in the first place. I think a good mix of shortness and personality would be best. It shouldn't be one or the other, but more of a blend of the two.